on Timing

I've more than once settled on the fact that I have impeccably imperfect timing. For as long as I can remember, I have made decisions that have missed some mark or some moment, causing a ranging scale of distress or disturbance. I don't know if this character flaw is a recent addition, or if I've just started to notice it more, but I can recall several instance where it has definitely not worked to my advantage.

As a senior in high school, my best friend Ashley and I spent our entire Spring Break on South Padre Island, partying with my brother, his friends, some random guys we met from (guess where!) Trinity, and, of course, my parents. After enjoying a delicious fish sandwich at a bar where my parents had gotten us both sufficiently liquored up, we decided that it was a bit chilly for us to stay there--why not make the 200-yard walk back to the condo to pick up a sweater? The walk took all of 5 minutes, but it wasn't until we were up to the condo gate that we realized we forgot the key. So it was back to the bar to grab the key to come back to grab the sweater.
"Not so fast, ladies; where do you think you're going?"
The voice was coming from the driver's side of a purple Camaro, from a man in an all-black police uniform. We'd seen that same Camaro less than 15 seconds before, and we'd both commented on how ghetto it seemed. So, of course, what else would we have been doing? We were obviously trying to run from the highly undercover police officer, break into a condo, and, when noticing we'd be unsuccessful, turning around to run away. Obviously. Our obvious mistake got us both slapped with MIPs that were induced by our parents. Why the hell not.

My first semester in college (at UNT) I acquired a pretty head-over-heels crush on my best friend there. He, of course, had a head-over-heels crush on his girlfriend who was still at home, a thousand or so miles away. Throwing basic human respect to the wind, I did everything I could to show him how much he meant to me.
I transferred schools after one semester and pretty much gave up, but missed him every day. Months went by, and eventually I settled on procuring a boyfriend of my own; less than 48 hours after I'd committed myself to doing so, my beloved Pat called to inform me that he was single now, "too".

After graduating from Trinity, I spent my second summer as a counselor at Knox, thinking that I'd spend my spare time looking for "real" jobs. Well, not only did I not have any spare time, I didn't want a "real" job at all. Coming home from the summer, I hit frantic mode and started applying for every single job I could possibly find. After countless hours of searching and applying, I'd come across only one that I really wanted: ladies and gentlemen, a Post Office position had opened in Olmos Park, a whole 3 blocks away from my apartment. My application for the job was clever and smart and shiny and who wouldn't want a spunky college graduate to be their mail carrier?
Evidently not the USPS, or so I thought. After at least two dozen interviews I was offered a job at the San Antonio Express-News (about which I have already complained) and in the middle of my third day there, I read a voicemail message on my lunch break asking me if I'd like to come in to the Olmos Park Post Office to see what working there was all about.

Most recently, though, I succumbed to a materialistic urge to purchase a MacBook Pro. Last night, I gathered up my courage and signed my soul away to BestBuy for an on-sale, open-box, generally-fantastic-deal MacBook Pro on which to begin my Mac foray. This morning, I was confronted with the online invitation to try the *new* MacBook Pro, starting at a cost approximately 300$ less than I literally just paid for mine. A newer Mac, a cheaper price. My stupid timing... and I'm still in over my head.

I can't figure out what any of this has taught me. Should I reconsider "living in the moment"? Or should I just tell the "moment" to go to hell?

on Obama

Well, it all came together for me rather beautifully last night. I was at First Friday with David, when behold, we witnessed the most interesting of modern-art novelty items: an Obama prayer candle.

I kid you not: a screenprinting company in Southtown mass-produced some tall, skinny "Our Man of Guadalupe" prayer candles for the new God Himself. Styled like the red and blue "HOPE" campaign posters, Obama's beautiful face was printed onto these glass jars, vigil-ready.

This struck me as funny for many reasons, but two stuck out. One, that Obama has finally been elevated to God status, and two, that most of the liberals who "believe" in Obama don't even believe in the Christian God these candles were made to represent in the first place. Perhaps this makes the fact that they're prayer candles irrelevant, but I can't help but notice a hilarious hypocrisy beginning to surface here.

I suppose people have to have something to believe in. If it's not God, it might as well be someone that masses of people have elevated to fix things, to change things, to build a hope and a trust and a faith that this mass of people can believe in.

If I remember correctly, the tight-ass conservative tax payers/collectors 2000+ years ago didn't believe Jesus was the guy for the hope/change/faith job. Now, those same tight-ass conservatives are the ones who uphold Jesus for all he's worth, and all they're worth as well. If Republicans are rich and also Christian, then the Democrats aren't rich and don't believe in God. Stereotypical, judgmental, and close-minded on my part, but from what I've seen on social networking sites, favorites sites, and in diggs, reddits and stumbles, my generalization seems for the most part to ring true. Comments from Obama supporters bash comments from Bush supporters. Comments from atheists slam comments about intelligent design. Comments about change challenge comments about tradition and the list goes on. No one is right and no one is wrong, but the voices are loud: there is a clear division between those who support conservative Christianity and those who promote a liberal freedom from religion.

But enter Obama: a lowly, selfless politician preaching hope and change, a beacon of light from the Republican darkness. No longer will the poor suffer at the hands of the rich. No longer will nationality be synonymous with greed or bloodshed. No longer will we take take take--we will give give give, to those in need and those in need of a handout.

Seems only fitting that Obama has a prayer candle. If we're putting in His hands the power to hope and to change, then why the hell not toss a little homage His way? If this man can open the minds of the anti-religion, anti-fish-school, anti-God-in-general masses, then more power to him.

In my opinion, he's going to need all the prayers he can get.

on Jobs

"Express-News to lay off about 15% of workforce"
Read here

Yeah, part of that 15% was me.

I don't count for much in 15%. 75 people in the newsroom were laid off; 60 from the other departments. Sure, it sucks. It sucked getting the news and it sucked packing and it sucked saying goodbye.

But I'm 22 years old. I have an amazing degree and an amazing future ahead of me. I am still able-bodied enough to be a UPS driver or a waitress and I am not yet too cynical to do anything in between.

No, I don't count for much in that 15%. But what about the guy sitting next to me, who was commuting from Austin every day without his own car? Or the lady who trained me, who is wondering if she has to find new homes for her animals because pet food is expensive? Workers with car payments, mortgages, children in diapers, children in high school, children in college? Workers caring for their parents? Workers with spouses who also lost Jobs in "this economy"?

I was sad to leave my little cubicle and 24" monitor behind, but I was even more sad to see the people who had legitimate reasons to be really sad. My boss with a brand new mortgage; my boss's boss with a family of five. As whiny as it sounds: it's not fair.

It's Monday morning at 10:18 a.m., and normally, I'd be panicking that I was way late for work. Instead, I'm enjoying my morning by drinking a cup of tea, cleaning my apartment, and clipping my cat's toenails. Later, I'm going to the store and later after that I'm having lunch with my boyfriend. Maybe I'll work on some freelance stuff, maybe I'll play Guitar Hero. And I feel way too lucky to be in the situation to do so.

As of Marc 20, 2009, there will be 75 people with amazing skills and talents in the field of journalism without a Job at which to use those skills and talents. There will be 75 people looks for the same job in the same small town. There will be stress and anxiety and resumes and interviews, and I can only pray that every single person with whom I worked will be able to stay on their feet, as strong as they were on the 3rd floor of Avenue E and Third Street.

on Parenting

I am not a parent. Yet. I do like to think I know a thing or two about kids, but I'm not quite sure exactly what it would be like to be a parent...
Even so, I sometimes find myself witnessing various situations in which I can't help but question the choices of my fellow Americans and wonder how those choices affect their Parenting. Thee thoughts in my head are interjected with "How the hell would you explain that to your kids?"

For example,
today I saw a car remarkably similar to this one:

(most especially the gold grille)
A woman, perhaps mid-40s, was driving a ten-or-so year old boy in this very car. I was at a stoplight and saw them making a left turn in front of me. I noticed the grille at first, of course, but then I noticed the kid.
And all I could think of was, how does a mother explain that car to her child?
"Gold, Juan, in honor of our Aztec heritage."

Or what about the guy with the horrible tattoo (truth: this tattoo is on a man: "Fo sho, all ho'z r scandalous")?

"No, son, I was held at gunpoint and forced to get these nasty images tattooed on to me. I think the woman holding me at gunpoint was your mother, but I don't remember her name."

But what kills me are the hippie young ladies in Whole Foods.

"Honey... it's natural to have hair that smells worse than my armpits and clothes made out of the same stuff I smoke for lunch."

And then there's Halloween.

"I dressed you up as a dying alien monster penis thing so that I can not only embarrass you at your wedding but embarrass myself as a parent. It really was perfect, baby!"

I guess one day people will be asking about me, how's she going to explain that red hair to that poor kid when he's older

on Cleaning Out my Closet

Upon my long-ago return from John Knox, I began a seemingly never-ending expedition through the depths of my “closet”—that is, the loads of clothes and shoes (oh, the shoes!) that had amassed themselves in 5 drawers, on 3 2-foot long closet racks, and in one very large, plastic storage container. Considering that my apartment has only one closet and therefore not nearly enough space to house this horrid collection of mine, I decided to get rid of it. ALL of it.
Half inspired by guynameddave.com (I based my chaplain lessons on this guy all summer) and half inspired by my own disgust with myself, I embarked upon a wild journey that began with a plastic drawer full of shoes. 32 pairs, yes sir, 15 that I determined I’d never wear again, 3 that I never wore, ever, in the first place, and one “pair” who was missing his second half. So I’m down to 13 pairs, which, of course, is an unlucky number, but will be remedied when my Chacos return from the Chaco hospital. (Jeanna, you’re not supposed to be adding pairs…)
Then it was on to the clothes. The fabric stuff. Without even looking at it, I put that very large, plastic storage container in the back of the ‘vette—I figured if I hadn’t opened it since I’d moved 7 months ago, I probably wasn’t going to need to open it again. So that was gone with no questions and no regrets.
I spent the next few days doing an Extreme Closet Makeover, donating all of my Youth Medium T-shirts and old guy pants. I vowed that for three straight days, every time I left my apartment, I’d take with me 6 more articles of clothing and bag them in the numerous paper bags I had stashed under the hatch. By the end of a week I’d made two packed-to-the-ceiling trips to Salvation Army; a week later, I’d made another one.
Getting rid of the too-small winter crap, “the style” that was such bad example of “the style” that it had to go and the other random garments I’d acquired over the years was easy. The hard part? Emotional attachment.
I look back now and think to myself that it sounds pretty lame to have emotional attachment on items of clothing, of all things, but it at least makes some sense. The homemade “Team E” t-shirt I got for being part of the Editorial Board my junior year; the ripped-up North Texas football shirt I'd been keeping as a reminder that I once went there; the first skirt I ever made that is now way ugly and way too small for me: they were just clothes, but at some point, they’d been a lot more than that.
As artist and actor Eminem once put it in his pleasing pop ballad, “I never meant to make you cry, but tonight, I’m cleaning out my closet.” I didn’t really cry, but I did second-guess myself as I reluctantly placed things in the To-Go pile. It took driving away and dropping that pile off for donation for me to realize that things don’t inspire memories, memories do.
After that, the rest of the cleaning was remarkably easy: Will I wear this or not? IF the answer was “not,” I gave it away, memories attached or not. It’s not about having tangible things to rattle memories, it's having the friends and family that constantly inspire me to remember what an aamzing few years I've had to make them.

on Moving

About 4 years ago, I think I exasperatedly relayed to my mother the following sentiment: "I'll be living in a different country by the time a Democrat becomes President."
Shit. I'd better get moving.

on Growing Up

Yesterday was my first day of work.
Considering I've been working for about 10 years now, it didn't much feel like my first day of work. In fact, I've had a handful of other days in my life that felt more like work days than this one did: the day my thesis was due last semester; hopefully finishing the Trinitonian by 2 a.m.; hell week at Knox. No, today didn't feel anything at all like work, because I sat and watched an orientation power point, I sat and watched my new co-worker Molly do layout, and I sat and looked at the clock wondering if every day would be this long. I didn't work, I sat. (Aside: who still uses power point? And for that matter, who still uses flying in text and bullets on power point? Ugh...)
But all that not considered, today was the day I suppose I entered the "real world" by simultaneously entering the income-taxed, health-insured work force.
And it made me instantly miss freelancing. (Freelancing, v: sitting on the couch with a laptop watching HBO re-runs and eating popcorn whenever I feel like it)
It also made me instantly miss college, and the drive to produce my best work at all times. It made me miss the community, the family I acquired, and the bonds we had.
But most of all, it made me miss the times I was able to make fun of myself for one day Growing Up. I'm not a Grown Up, and I don't plan on being any time soon. I'm a kid who wants to make newspapers and still sleeps with a stuffed pig.